The Last One

I have failed.

I had the determination to write a blog post every day for a month, and I have not even come close to reaching that goal. I am sorry. I am so sorry. I wish I could say that I had a real excuse for not even living up to my own expectations, but I don't. In truth, I would use the claim that "life gets in the way" as my reason, which is true but also lame. I'm sorry for setting this up with so much excitement and failing so hard. I apologize sincerely.

This may or may not be my last blog post for two years. I do not know if there will be any time for me to write anything after this. Really I don't have time to write this post but I am writing it anyway because it helps distract me from everything I am feeling right now.

It's crazy. I move out of the country in four days and I have only begun to freak out. Like I knew this was coming for nearly half a year but suddenly all of the stress and worries are hitting me all at once today and I'm honestly so scared. I'm feeling so many things and I can't think straight enough to type them out properly. I'm writing so fast because I'm scared if I stop typing I'll start freaking out more.

It's a terrible form of therapy.

Anyway, I'm just freaking out. I'm not ready, not by a long shot. I am not ready to serve a mission. I mean, I don't know. Maybe I am. But I will never feel ready. I still need to buy things (which is not good, I know). Oh, fun fact. Apparently if I wear one size of dress shirt they're too small but if I go one single size up they're too big. When you prepare for a mission you discover things like this, like the fact that no one makes proper-fitting clothes for your weirdly proportioned body.

This post is a mess. I don't care. I hope you don't either.

The World Cup draw was today. I don't really care about the next World Cup because the two nations to which I claim heritage (the United States and Italy) will both not be featured there. Regardless, the nation in which I will live is playing, and so I guess I'm excited for that. Mexico, who I am rooting for, got drawn into a group with Germany, Sweden, and the Korean Republic. Because Sweden is the team that knocked Italy out of World Cup contention, I can't wait. I hope that Mexico destroys them. No love for the Swedes from this guy. Sue me.

My self esteem is in a really funky place right now. If you have any encouraging words, send them my way. That would be awesome.

So anyway yeah I am a mess but it is OKAY BECAUSE I AM IN GOD'S HANDS. I have trust that, even though I can't fathom it right now, everything will be okay because God will make it so. I guess right now I can only walk into this abyss with a prayer in my heart that things will work out. I keep telling myself that they will. I'm not entirely convinced yet.


SOOOOOO. WHAT DO I WANT TO SAY IN MY LAST POST FOR TWO YEARS? I DON'T KNOW. I WISH I HAD SOME PROFOUND ADVICE OR SOMETHING BUT I AM SUCH A MESS RIGHT NOW THAT I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING FOR YOU.

Except this: trust God, no matter which one you believe in. Pray to him more than you do now. Help your friends, even if they appear like they're doing fine. Check up on the people you care about. Don't kiss girls. Life will be better than you can imagine. You are worrying too much. Things will work out fine.

Maybe I'm just trying to give advice to myself. I hope I take it. No promises yet.

So I guess this is it. I've had to say goodbye a lot lately, and now I say goodbye to the blog for two years. So, dear blog, thanks for the memories. Thanks for being a platform that I could share my unorganized thoughts on and that I could use to give others something to read in their spare time. Thanks for allowing me to be myself.

And to you, dear reader, thanks for always being there. Whether this is the first post you've read on this blog or you've read all of them, thanks for the support, the encouragement, the love. It means more to me than just about anything else. Thanks for being there when I needed you and reading my words even when they didn't make sense (like all the words in this post). You're the best.

If you want to have any contact with me over the next two years, please comment your email address on this post or on my Instagram or text it to me or SOMEHOW find a way to give me your email. I will be sending out a mass email each week (assuming I have the capabilities in the mission, which I presume I will) and I would love for you to read them.

If you want to send me something, please email me at giancarlo.diotaiuti@myldsmail.net. Thank you in advance.

I am not proofreading this post. Please forgive spelling/grammar errors. I don't want to read this post any more than I have to. It's weird, I know. I'm kind of a mess, if you didn't get that already.

I'll see you in two years.

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