Two Years Later

Seven hundred and thirty days ago I grabbed my suitcases, took a plane to Mexico City, and began my period of missionary service for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. During the time that I was serving, I was not able to update the blog, hence the lack of posts during the last two years. I have, however, returned from the mission and as I am now able to update the blog again, I would like to begin with a few things I learned during my time as a missionary, a few changes I made or am making, and my view for the future. 

Let me begin by explaining what a mission is and why I served one.

In the last chapter of the book of Matthew in the New Testament, Jesus Christ leaves his apostles with a simple but very important task. He says:

"Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:

"Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen."

Christ commanded his apostles to teach others about His life, His example, and His gospel. As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we claim the privilege of belonging to that same church that Christ organized during his ministry here on earth, and we believe that the call to preach the word to those who haven't heard it (or accepted it) yet is still valid. So, the church has developed a formal missionary force of people called, simply, missionaries. There are various types of missionaries who do different things, but I fell into the (most common) category of young, full-time, proselyting missionaries. This means that I filled out an application which was sent to church headquarters and I was assigned by a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles to serve in a specific mission for a space of two years. After the Apostle assigned me to a mission, the Mexico Ciudad Juárez Mission, I waited until my period of service was set to begin, December 5th, 2017, and then I made my way to Mexico City for six weeks of missionary training.

After those six weeks, I spent the remaining twenty-two months in my mission doing what I could do in order to fulfill this charge from the Savior of the world. I went out every day and talked to people I didn't know about my beliefs. I invited them to investigate a little bit about my church and did my best to teach them how to become happier in life through obedience to God's commandments. I studied the scriptures, prayed hard, and made every effort to help people have more peace in their lives. I respectfully defended my belief that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the only true church on the earth, the only church authorized by God to fulfill the commandments He has given, including baptism, among others. I followed (or, at least, tried to follow) a strict schedule to be able to share the message with as many people as possible throughout my time, because although two years can seem like a lot of time, it ends up passing by quickly and you only really get one shot at being a full-time missionary. Can you share your beliefs with people before and after the mission? Absolutely. But is there any other time where your whole day is so dedicated to that purpose? For most people, the answer is no.

So this is what I was doing for the past two years. But, as with most things in life, the what is not so important as is the why. Why did I decide to serve a mission? Well, the answer comes down to a few things.

First, I would be lying if I said that my decision to serve a mission was not influenced at least somewhat by social pressure, spoken or unspoken. In the church, it is expected (though not required) that all able young men serve a mission. I saw many friends make the decision to serve a mission. I knew that I was supposed to serve. In the most honest way possible, I admit that a small part of my decision to be a missionary came because I felt it was expected of me, that it was something that I had to do. Is this good motivation to serve a mission? No, but it is real.

But that's not really what pushed me to serve a mission. Honestly, if I had had no desire to serve a mission, even all the social pressure in the world could not have pushed me to go. Serving a mission is a huge sacrifice of time, energy, money, and educational and occupational opportunity, and I wouldn't have made that sacrifice just for the approval of those around me. In a real way, that's ludicrous.

What really pushed me to serve a mission was the simple fact that I have been able to see many blessings in my life as a consequence of being a member of the church. I do not mean to say that I am so blessed because I am such a great person. I mean simply that the lifestyle I have chosen to live, attempting to follow the guidance of the Lord, has brought me more happiness and peace than any other lifestyle. I don't worry about some things people outside the church worry about. I am not afraid of the future, and know that hard times are intended to make us stronger or better in some way. I know that God wants the best for us, His children, and so I have tried to live the best I can to be able to enjoy the blessings He has given to me.

I recognized that there were a lot of people who were living without the knowledge I had, so I decided to serve a mission in hopes that I could help someone be a little happier and make the world just a little bit of a brighter place, even if the only difference I was making was one Christmas light on the unending string of people in the world.

So I set out. I did all the things I mentioned above, and I quickly realized that the mission was a lot different than I expected it to be. I had expected to always be teaching people, but really most of my time was spent trying to find people to teach. As missionaries, we don't force people to listen to us, so finding people in the streets who were willing to listen to our message was the main challenge. I had expected to be happy and feel successful always. That wasn't the case. I had expected to have many people accept the message with a few rejections mixed in. It was the other way around. I had expected that the majority of the people who listened to us would come to church and really try to find out for themselves if our message were true. The reality is that many of the people who listened to us listened because we were preaching "the word of God" and listened simply because they knew our intent was to talk about God, even though they had no intention of doing anything as a result of our teaching.

And I think honestly that was the most frustrating part of the mission. Our goal was to help people change their lives to be able to be happier, have more peace in their lives, and have better family relationships. But many people either didn't see that or didn't want to change, and it was agonizing. I felt sometimes that we were giving away the greatest treasure imaginable and people didn't accept it simply because it required them to believe a little bit and make an effort to follow the Savior.

But before you go off thinking that the mission was constantly sad and frustrating, I want you to know that it wasn't. Were there hard days? Yes. But were there really good days? Also yes. There were many people who didn't listen to our message, but every time there was someone who did want to listen, it made up for all the rejection. Each time I heard someone say "Thank you for coming to share this with us" it erased, at least partially, the pain of others not listening.

So what did this all teach me?

I could go on for a very long time writing about every single little thing that I learned during this two year period. But for the sake of not turning this post into a novel, I will limit it to just a few things. Some are related to the church, some are not. Here goes.

Lesson 1: God loves us, wants the best for us, and has a plan for us, both generally and individually.

Generally, the first concept that we would teach to people was that God is our loving Heavenly Father. This established both that we believed in God and also that God isn't someone who wants us to suffer. In truth, he loves us and wants us to be happy, and there are many doctrinal examples of this that I won't get into right here. Like any good parent, he wants us to succeed. This is why he has developed a plan of happiness to help us in that effort. This includes general commandments for all of us to follow like not stealing, loving each other, and repenting. He also has an individual plan for each one of us, which is why we each have specific gifts and talents and abilities and spaces in the world that only we can fill.

Why is this important? Well, it's important because it means that the most powerful, most intelligent being in the universe is on our side. It's important because it means that He is willing to help us if we ask for His help. It is important because it means that we don't have to worry about the little things because we can be guided to where we need to be.

I don't think there is one specific, predetermined path for each individual person, but I do believe that if we are trying to follow God's commandments, He will help us along whatever path we choose to take, regardless of what path that is. I don't think it matters to God if we are a pilot or a president, a shelf-stocker or a stockbroker, a nurse or a news anchor so long as we are trying to be good people, follow His commandments, and love the people around us. Which is pretty darn cool.

Lesson 2: There are a lot of things that I do not know or do not understand, and that's okay.

Many times as missionaries, people questioned our beliefs. They would wonder why we acted a certain way or did things in a specific manner, and many of their questions were easily answerable. But sometimes, someone would ask us a question about doctrine, history, practice, policy, or something else, and it was hard to answer. Sometimes, I would come up with my own questions, like "What if this happens?" or "How does this work" and honestly, I had a lot of questions that I couldn't find answers to.

What I discovered is that I didn't need to know the answers to all of these questions as long as I was rooted in the basics. Of course, it is wise to keep studying and learning to understand more fully the doctrine of the gospel and God's plan for us. But not knowing all the answers is not deal-breaking for me. Wondering about something, for me, does not warrant abandoning all the other things you do know to be true. I do not need to know what will happen after resurrection to pay my tithing. I do not need to understand why God needs sacrifices in order for me to pray to Him. I do not need to comprehend fully the process of the creation so I can obey fully the word of wisdom. My obedience to one commandment is not dependent on my understanding of the rest.

All I really need to know is what I mentioned above: God loves me and wants the best for me. If that is true, what He has told me to do or to be is something good, even if I can't see the reason why.

Lesson 3: Serving a full-time mission isn't actually the best way to share the gospel.

Imagine: you are comfortably sitting on your couch watching one of your favorite television programs when someone knocks on your door. Annoyed at the inconvenience, you get up, go to the door, and find two young guys on your doorstep. Maybe they're charismatic, maybe not, but one way or another, let's say that they begin to try to sell you a new car. They ask if they can come in and talk with you a little bit about this car that, they say, is going to change your life. You, thinking about the perfectly fine car you have parked in your garage and the television program you have to get back to, politely decline their offer.

Now, let's consider a different situation. You and some friends are getting together for whatever you like to do. Maybe you're going to a concert. Maybe you're going to get some food. Maybe you're simply passing time together at someone's house. Regardless of what the activity is, one of your friends offers you a ride because you live near each other and going together would be a fun way to spend more time together. As you're on your way to the get-together, you notice that the trip is very enjoyable. The car, a brand you've heard of but have never had any experience with, has some cool features that you've never seen before in a car. It's smooth, it's safe, it's fun, and it's comfortable in ways other cars aren't. Of course, the car plays a tiny part in the experience. There's your friend, who is obviously more important to your journey than the vehicle itself and, naturally, there are other factors. But you quietly notice something's different about this car.

You arrive to your destination, enjoy your time, and eventually the moment comes to return home. On your way back, you ask your friend about the car, and the friend begins to tell you about how the car has served them, the interesting and helpful features it has, and how happy they are for buying the car.

So, what's the difference between the two situations? Why were you interested to talk to your friend about the car and not the car salesmen?

To me, it comes down to two main factors: timing, and familiarity. Timing because you weren't being interrupted when you asked about the car, and familiarity because the person you were talking to was someone you already knew and had trust in, which wasn't the case with the nice men on your doorstep.

The truth is that while formal, full-time missionary service is valuable and irreplaceable, many times missionaries are like the car salesmen. I mentioned earlier that it was frustrating when people didn't accept our message, but I understood why they didn't sometimes. We were strangers trying to butt our way into their lives telling them about something they felt they didn't need. They already had a religion, they had their beliefs. Why should they have let us interrupt their lives to talk about something they felt they already had? Even though what we were sharing really did have the potential to change their lives for the better, it was hard for them to see the need for it most of the time.

So this is the lesson. The gospel should be spread simply by living it. Those around us should be able to see, like your friend's car in the story, that something is different. This doesn't always mean that the ones closest to us will join the church. What it does mean is that they should know that we are members of the church, that we are different and happier due to our beliefs, and that they are welcome to ask us about it.

Lesson 4: If you need alcohol to have a good time, you need to rethink your life.

Once I was talking to a fellow missionary who was from another place in Mexico and although I don't remember how we got to this point, he said, somewhat sheepishly, "The reason we don't progress as a country is because every time people get a little money here they waste it all on alcohol." (This isn't a direct quote, but it's how I remember it as accurately as possible.) I will not be so bold as to generalize a whole country based on the experience I had in a few places in half of one of its states, but I think, at least in part, he was right. In many places in Ciudad Juárez people would spend a lot of time on Fridays, Saturdays, Sundays, days when their soccer team was playing, holidays, and basically whatever other days they felt like it drinking. Sometimes I wondered where people got the money they used to buy so much alcohol. And look, I recognize that I am not perfect and don't really have any right to call people out for the things they like to do, but it honestly made me so sad sometimes the effects alcohol people had on people. I saw people passed out in the streets from drunkenness. I had drunk people ask me fairly regularly if I could spare a few pesos for a beer. I saw people mistreat others when they weren't sober.

I had never really been too curious about trying alcohol before the mission, but just seeing what it does to people makes me want to avoid it like the plague. Even if it weren't advised against in the church, I don't think I would ever take a sip because it's just not worth it to me.

Lesson 5: One way or another, things will work out.

There were many days when I was worried about something. Sometimes it was a particularly uncomfortable lesson we planned on teaching. Sometimes it was receiving a new companion that I didn't know. Sometimes it was an interview or meeting I wasn't entirely comfortable with. But one way or another, each time when something like this came up, I survived. I was able to make it through the uncomfortable situation and things got back to normal.

I think one of the most important things I learned in the mission is simply that each day ends! No matter how hard things seemed to be, one way or another, it was only a matter of hours until I was home again and I could unwind and rest for a brand new day to come. It was silly, but sometimes the simple fact that I couldn't stop time was helpful because time's progression was what meant any uncomfortable situation wasn't going to last forever.

And the funny thing is that most of the time when I was worried about something, the thing would come and pass and not be nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. Even if I couldn't see the end from the beginning, I trusted (and continue to trust) that things were going to work out. Sometimes they'd end up differently than I expected or wanted, but I would always survive regardless.

So, here are a few of the lessons I learned throughout the past two years. And here I am, home again, beginning another phase in my life. Some things have changed around here, but I'm kind of shocked by how natural and normal most things seem. I am "adjusting" to "normal life" and although things are different than how I had been doing them for a while, I'm having a pretty fun time.

But here comes the question everyone seems to be asking me: what comes next?

Well, right now I'm waiting for a minute until I head up to school in January. I plan on majoring in marketing and hope to have a good university experience.

As far as the blog goes, I am really excited to get back here. This blog remains what I intended it to be when I started it over four years ago: a place where I can express myself openly and honestly. I hope that people read what I write, but even if they don't, just getting my thoughts out there is pretty enjoyable for me. So I will continue where I left off: expressing my thoughts, opinions, and ideas through these blog posts every once in a while. I plan on writing more frequently now than I did before the mission, but I still don't plan on setting any quotas for myself here. It's funny to me to read back on past posts and how stressed I would get if I didn't meet a deadline I had set for myself. That won't be the case anymore.

But besides school and the blog, I think my biggest plan for right now is to be myself. I am excited to continue to discover who I am, what I'm good at, and what I can do to make this world a slightly better place. My biggest goal is to simply be happy(!) and to help others be happy. I am grateful for the time I had to be a missionary, and I am excited to be home and with you all again.

Thanks for reading, I'll see you soon.