A Really Messy Post

Dear friends, it is I.

Yes, after all this time, I have returned to the blog. I hope you can forgive the absence, and know that I am really trying to post more. I've been really busy lately and the blog hasn't been my number one priority but fear not: more posts will be coming.

Anyway. I bring you this post in a messy way because, like many things in my life right now, my thoughts aren't exactly the most organized things ever. I hope you'll bear with me as I try to straighten myself out through this keyboard I sit in front of.

So let's begin.

First up: THE END.

In one hundred and twelve days, I will be sitting in the UCCU Event Center at Utah Valley University, not only attending but also conducting my high school graduation ceremony. It seems so weird to me that after all this time, the comforting consistency of public school will be in my life no more. Of course, I'm excited to graduate. It will surely be an exciting time and I can't wait to get out into the "real world", living how I want to and making my own choices. But high school's been fun, and I'm sure there are parts of it I will miss.

So... about graduation. I will be speaking at my graduation! Like I have to prepare and deliver an address which I will give to all 784 of the members of my graduating class. And I know this might sound weird, but I'm actually really excited for it? Like I know that this would be some people's biggest fears, but I'm so grateful for the opportunity. I have not yet begun the construction of the speech, but it's okay. It'll turn out all right in the end.

Okay but you know what sucks? I literally feel bad inviting people to my graduation because graduations are typically super long and boring and I don't want anyone (even my close family and friends) to feel the need to struggle through that. My large graduating class won't help the process go any faster, which is a bummer. I guess at the end of the day, it's okay. They'll all probably survive, regardless of the boredom.

Anyway. Senior year is flying by, which is sad. The end is near. But the approaching finish to my high school years is definitely as much exhilarating as it is distressing.

Next: FEELINGS, I GUESS???

So here's the thing. I... really like this girl. Say all you want about how eighteen year-olds don't know what love is or whatever you want, but I guess that I have developed quite the little "crush" for a girl that I know, and it's a weird place for me to be in.  I mean obviously I've liked girls before, but this is the first time in quite a long time... Ugh I guess I'll tell you why. You probably want to read a sad story.

So rewind with me for one second. Towards the end of my seventh grade year, I started crushing really hard on this girl. And well I guess when I fall for someone, I fall really hard, because this little crush definitely lasted (sometimes more intensely than other times) for the next 3 years. I really liked this girl until about the middle of my sophomore year, when I decided that I was just done. Nothing had happened in those years of me waiting other than me getting frustrated, watching as she wasted her time on guys that didn't deserve her. It was an obnoxious place to be in, so I vacated the position.

So time went on. Life changed, and suddenly I was beginning my junior year at a new school with few friends but plenty of people to meet. And one of the people I met was, my stupid heart decided, the one I would allow to occupy the little place in my head where you keep asking What if? about. So for the majority of my junior year, I had a crush on this girl who, for a while, didn't even know I existed but even when she discovered my existence was unfortunately occupied with a boyfriend who I knew I couldn't compare to. And although it took some time, I stopped liking her too.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I haven't exactly had the greatest luck with girls. I've made some mistakes and learned some lessons and I felt like it was just easier for me to not like any girls, so I did. For a while, there was no one, and it was pretty solid. It was fun to just chill.

But I guess life doesn't like it when you "just chill", so life came in, messed with my head, and now I guess I have a crush once again.

It's so weird, how I went from not even knowing this girl existed two months ago to suddenly being in love with every single thing she does. Like I don't know why I'm stunned by the way she dances and the way she sings and the way she does just about anything, but I am. The simple interlocking of our fingers makes me feel as if I'm the king of the world, and I don't know why.

But right now, I'm fairly content with not knowing why.

I don't know where things will go between us (or if they'll go anywhere at all) but man, everything's pretty dang good right now. Life's definitely got me wrapped around its finger, waiting for my heart to be broken yet again. And I'm ready for it, fearlessly jumping in headfirst.

I guess I only have one thing to say to the punk that life is: BRING IT.

Maybe I'll update you guys on how that goes in the next post. I guess I'll just have to decide if you need to hear another sad story or not.

Next: SCHOOL SPIRIT

A few days ago, something happened, and I want to say something about it. The whole thing is stupid and I definitely overreacted to it, but I want to defend myself. Storytime part 2, I guess.

So on Saturday, I went to the Utah State High School Drill Competition, where I waited in line for two hours to then sit through a six hour competition in which my school would only perform three times, totaling only about twelve minutes.

But it was worth it. It was worth it because I know how hard our Drill Team has worked to get where they are and I wanted to support them in their push to take state. Every single minute was worth it, and I have no regrets. There was nothing I would have rather been doing.

So here's what happened. I was sitting in the arena, watching some other teams performed, when the team from Copper Hills made an entrance and performed a routine. It was quite good, and so for whatever reason, I decided to compose a few tweets on my Twitter account about it, stating that I wanted my team to win but also noting that Copper Hills was a really good team. So there's no confusion, here's exactly what I said, word for word:

(1) "No matter what happens tonight: the Minerettes and the Azurettes are both incredibly, incredibly talented groups of dancers." (The Minerettes are the dancers on Bingham's drill team, the Azurettes are the dancers from Copper Hills)

(2) "As much as I'd love to break Copper Hills' winning streak, a win for them tonight  would be justified and deserved."

(3) "I guess we'll just have to wait and see where the cards fall. I 💙 the Minerettes and wish all the best for them."

And you know, I thought this was okay. I was obviously rooting really hard for my school, but I knew that Copper Hills' team was REALLY good. So from an objective perspective, I just wanted to say that I thought they were quite good.

But what I forgot is that I go to Bingham High School, where good sportsmanship and basic respect are less important than supporting your school, and any attempt at good relations with competitors is basically treason.

I say this because only a few minutes after I had sent these tweets, a reply appeared. It came from Bingham's unofficial (but highly supported/followed) student section account, attacking me for my thoughts. I know who runs the account, but prefer to not share because it's unimportant. They said the following:

"@Giancarlo__D is it too much to ask for an sbo who 100% fully supports our team rather than being content with a CH win?"

And I know I shouldn't have, but I let this get to me. This question of my dedication to the school was not only outrageously ridiculous but also frustratingly painful. Ultimately, it doesn't matter. I know that I'm entirely committed to Bingham High School, and I do my best to show it. I know that I love Bingham with my whole heart, and my school spirit is just about as high as possible.

But what got to me is the stupid part of me that cares about what other people think of me. I worried that people would respect me less (and support me less) as Bingham's senior class president if it looked like I didn't care about the school. I don't really do things to satisfy the approval of other people, but that doesn't mean I don't care what other people think.

I love Bingham High School, but the mentality of the students sometimes is so frustrating to me. Bingham's legacy of greatness has definitely lead to a little bit of conceit. And although I am so blessed and grateful to be a Bingham Miner, I am also grateful I wasn't raised to be one. I'm glad that I wasn't brought up with the idea that winning is the most important thing, and I'm glad that I learned how to respect my opponents. (This isn't to say that every single person at Bingham is disrespectful or anything. Rather, I'm simply stating that there's definitely a mindset of "We're the best" among some of the students that I don't really like sometimes.)

So here's what I'm trying to say: I was just trying to be a good person. I love Bingham and will always be rooting the hardest for them in every single setting. I should be a little more careful about the things I tweet from now on, I guess.

Anyway. Rant/storytime over.

Last: SEE YOU SOON
I know it's been way too long since my last post, but I promise it won't be as long before my next one. If nothing else, I'm going to need to update you on my love life at some point, right?

So here I sign off on this incredibly disorganized post, thankful for the love and support and hoping that it won't be too long before we're both back here again.