A Dilemma
This week, I ran to be a student body officer at Bingham High School for the 2016-2017 school year.
I didn't make it.
The thing is, I wanted to be an SBO more than I have ever wanted anything else in my life. And while that may sound overly dramatic, I mean it with every ounce of my being. I had the most intense desire to serve as an SBO next year, and there are so many reasons why. I can't quite articulate how much serving in student government would mean to me. And I don't mean to write this post in hopes of pity or sympathy, because that's not who I am. I just really really really enjoy serving my school.
But now I have a dilemma. To understand, you'll need some context.
When I was in the seventh grade, I ran to be an SBO. I can't tell you why. I was a twelve year-old kid with few friends and no experience or even a basic understanding of what I was doing. But I really wanted to do it, so I went for it. I took a leap of faith, and I hoped for the best.
I got elected with the most votes of anyone in my grade running.
And so I had a blast. I got the chance to serve my school and it was sweet. Of course, my duties were minor and my effects were little. But still, I had fun, and I felt happy making a difference (even a small one) for my school.
I didn't run in eighth grade because I wanted to see what it would be like to not have the responsibility. I decided that wasn't as fun, so I ran again in ninth grade and I was an SBO again for my freshman year.
For tenth grade student government, I ran against two of my best friends for a total of two open spots. This was super hard in itself, because I didn't want to make it and feel like I had stolen the spot from either of them because they were probably better suited to the job than I was. As it happened, I didn't make it, and they both did.
That was difficult, but I also came to understand that it was for the best. My thought was true, and both of my friends who made it did an amazing job. I came to be grateful that I didn't make it, because I knew that my capacity was probably a lot less than theirs.
I might've run for student government for junior year, except my family moved partway through the school year and I knew that there was a chance I wouldn't be attending that school the next year, so I didn't run.
And it turned out, I did switch schools. I switched to Bingham at the beginning of the 2015-2016 school year, and I've loved it. I've had so many fun times and I've had the chance to learn a bunch of new things and meet tons and tons and tons of great new people.
So the thought came to me again: you should be in student government. And for a while, I didn't really know what to do. I thought being in student government at Bingham would be really fun, but I knew that making it was going to be hard. I knew that I was at a major disadvantage as a new student. Trying to compete with a bunch of other amazing candidates is really hard when no one knows you.
I thought, forget it, you'll never make it.
And then, I couldn't stop thinking about what things would be like if I did make it. And I just kept getting so excited that I knew I wanted to run.
So I ran. I wanted it so bad, and I did what I could to get people to vote for me.
And honestly, I'm a little ashamed to admit that I thought it was fate. I truly thought that some weird form of destiny had allowed my family to move when we did and allowed me to switch to Bingham so that I could be in student government. I thought that I would make it simply because I was meant to.
But then reality came and gave me a real nice slap in the face, and I didn't make it.
(To be fair, I still believe I have a purpose. I still think that I switched to Bingham for a specific reason. I thought that reason was being an SBO, but now I know that that's definitely not the reason. I'm still searching for my purpose, which I guess sounds pretty noble in itself.)
The thing is, it didn't really hurt, and I can't say exactly why. Like, I found out that I didn't make it and was okay with it. I wanted it so freaking bad but it didn't happen and I was just like, "Okay." I mean yeah I guess I'm a little bitter and a bit frustrated, but it's not like I'm having a meltdown or going into deep depression. I think it might be easier for me to accept this shortcoming because I knew I began in a disadvantaged position. I don't know. For lack of a better explanation, I feel weird.
So here's my dilemma. I can still be in student government as a senior class officer, but I don't know if I should run for it or not.
On the one hand, I don't want to do it. I don't want to go through all the stress and anxiety and frustration only to lose again. I don't want to put all the effort in only to get the same result. And even if I do win, I'm only going to feel bad for the people that didn't make it, like I took a spot that was rightfully theirs.
But on the other hand, I want it so bad. I've wanted to be a part of Bingham's amazing student government since... probably last September or so? I want to plan events and allow people to voice their opinions. I want to be a leader at Bingham. I genuinely enjoy being able to get involved, specifically in student government, and I would love to be a part of it at Bingham.
I have about 24 hours to choose whether I want to run again or not.
Wish me luck.
I didn't make it.
The thing is, I wanted to be an SBO more than I have ever wanted anything else in my life. And while that may sound overly dramatic, I mean it with every ounce of my being. I had the most intense desire to serve as an SBO next year, and there are so many reasons why. I can't quite articulate how much serving in student government would mean to me. And I don't mean to write this post in hopes of pity or sympathy, because that's not who I am. I just really really really enjoy serving my school.
But now I have a dilemma. To understand, you'll need some context.
When I was in the seventh grade, I ran to be an SBO. I can't tell you why. I was a twelve year-old kid with few friends and no experience or even a basic understanding of what I was doing. But I really wanted to do it, so I went for it. I took a leap of faith, and I hoped for the best.
I got elected with the most votes of anyone in my grade running.
And so I had a blast. I got the chance to serve my school and it was sweet. Of course, my duties were minor and my effects were little. But still, I had fun, and I felt happy making a difference (even a small one) for my school.
I didn't run in eighth grade because I wanted to see what it would be like to not have the responsibility. I decided that wasn't as fun, so I ran again in ninth grade and I was an SBO again for my freshman year.
For tenth grade student government, I ran against two of my best friends for a total of two open spots. This was super hard in itself, because I didn't want to make it and feel like I had stolen the spot from either of them because they were probably better suited to the job than I was. As it happened, I didn't make it, and they both did.
That was difficult, but I also came to understand that it was for the best. My thought was true, and both of my friends who made it did an amazing job. I came to be grateful that I didn't make it, because I knew that my capacity was probably a lot less than theirs.
I might've run for student government for junior year, except my family moved partway through the school year and I knew that there was a chance I wouldn't be attending that school the next year, so I didn't run.
And it turned out, I did switch schools. I switched to Bingham at the beginning of the 2015-2016 school year, and I've loved it. I've had so many fun times and I've had the chance to learn a bunch of new things and meet tons and tons and tons of great new people.
So the thought came to me again: you should be in student government. And for a while, I didn't really know what to do. I thought being in student government at Bingham would be really fun, but I knew that making it was going to be hard. I knew that I was at a major disadvantage as a new student. Trying to compete with a bunch of other amazing candidates is really hard when no one knows you.
I thought, forget it, you'll never make it.
And then, I couldn't stop thinking about what things would be like if I did make it. And I just kept getting so excited that I knew I wanted to run.
So I ran. I wanted it so bad, and I did what I could to get people to vote for me.
And honestly, I'm a little ashamed to admit that I thought it was fate. I truly thought that some weird form of destiny had allowed my family to move when we did and allowed me to switch to Bingham so that I could be in student government. I thought that I would make it simply because I was meant to.
But then reality came and gave me a real nice slap in the face, and I didn't make it.
(To be fair, I still believe I have a purpose. I still think that I switched to Bingham for a specific reason. I thought that reason was being an SBO, but now I know that that's definitely not the reason. I'm still searching for my purpose, which I guess sounds pretty noble in itself.)
The thing is, it didn't really hurt, and I can't say exactly why. Like, I found out that I didn't make it and was okay with it. I wanted it so freaking bad but it didn't happen and I was just like, "Okay." I mean yeah I guess I'm a little bitter and a bit frustrated, but it's not like I'm having a meltdown or going into deep depression. I think it might be easier for me to accept this shortcoming because I knew I began in a disadvantaged position. I don't know. For lack of a better explanation, I feel weird.
So here's my dilemma. I can still be in student government as a senior class officer, but I don't know if I should run for it or not.
On the one hand, I don't want to do it. I don't want to go through all the stress and anxiety and frustration only to lose again. I don't want to put all the effort in only to get the same result. And even if I do win, I'm only going to feel bad for the people that didn't make it, like I took a spot that was rightfully theirs.
But on the other hand, I want it so bad. I've wanted to be a part of Bingham's amazing student government since... probably last September or so? I want to plan events and allow people to voice their opinions. I want to be a leader at Bingham. I genuinely enjoy being able to get involved, specifically in student government, and I would love to be a part of it at Bingham.
I have about 24 hours to choose whether I want to run again or not.
Wish me luck.
