High School Relationships
Several weeks ago as I was sitting at lunch with my friends, I asked them for an idea for a blog post. After a brief moment of consideration, one of them said "the importance of relationships in the developmental growth of students". My other friend summarized by saying simply, "the good, the bad, and the ugly of high school relationships". So here it is.
To be clear: when I say "relationship" I mean to represent the situation in which two people have collectively and mutually decided to be "together" as a couple (as "boyfriend" and "girlfriend"), committing to love, support, and care for their partner. Obviously, different couples have different expectations and standards in their own relationships, but I just wanted to clear my own definition up first.
Here's the thing: I've never had a problem with relationships in high school. I'm no idiot, and I understand that most of the relationships that people participate in throughout high school will ultimately end. But I don't think that a relationship is only valuable if it lasts. I think that a relationship is valuable if the people involved are happy. And whether you're happy for three weeks or three years, it doesn't matter. The experiences and the memories and the fun are what matter. And maybe you, dear reader, don't believe it's worth it to waste your time on a relationship at this young age.
But maybe you just haven't found the right person to waste your time on.
To be fair, I haven't either. I've never committed myself into a serious relationship (other than the fact that my church advises against it) because I've never found someone that's as into me as I'm into them. And that's fine. I don't mean to say anyone needs to be in a relationship, especially in high school. I just think that often, couples in high school get bad labels put on them simply because they're in high school.
Silly, right?
I don't want to get into any sort of debate of thought on the subject of love, but I believe that it doesn't have an age requirement. Like the idea that "you can only feel real love when you reach the age of ___" is kind of ludicrous. Maybe I'm wrong.
But maybe I'm not.
Maybe love can be felt looking across the classroom at your girlfriend just as much as it is when you see your wife after a long day at work. But I've never felt either of those things, so I wouldn't know.
Regardless, I'm getting distracted.
Here's the one thing about high school relationships that frustrates me: a lot of them aren't based on love, or affection, or devotion. Some of them are based on something much less worthy: attention. (Of course, I generalize here. It'd be hard to objectively describe each and every individual relationship without some unfair liberties taken here and there.) I feel like a lot of people get into relationships simply because they seem like fun or they just enjoy the idea of someone giving them some extra notice and attachment. Hey, if that makes them happy, then I wouldn't stop that. All I'm saying is that those relationships end so quickly, and it's not hard to see why.
I think that high schoolers often romanticize the highlights of relationships, but they forget that, like anything else in life, there will be struggles. They obsess over the thought of kisses under fireworks, the fun adventures at midnight, and even just the simple pleasures of having a companion, like sweet texts and small gifts. But they don't consider the other side. They forget that there will be frustrations, and fights, and jealousy, and heartache. I don't mean to say that all relationships are bad because there will be negatives associated with them, but I think that a lot of people at high school age either overestimate their ability to withstand these negatives or underestimate the pain those negatives can inflict. But I have one thing to say about this common youthful mistake:
SO BE IT.
One of the problems that I find with relationships in high school is that people that are friends with one (or both) of the people involved feel like they have to get involved. They just can't help but try to be a part of this connection for reasons that I can't quite understand. I would bet that they're trying to help their friend stay away from being hurt. I don't know. I just feel like the details of any relationship should be controlled by the people in the relationship. Is that irrational?
If two people are happy together, why can't we just let them be happy? It is not our obligation nor is it our place to govern their relationship, even if we think their experience will end badly. I think that it is often more valuable to experience the pain caused by (the end of) a relationship than it is to shield yourself from that relationship for two reasons. First, you begin to understand how connections that are more intimate than friendships develop and help/hurt you. Second, you get to gain those happy memories and those good times that you can't get in other ways.
I suppose I have become distracted again. Oops.
Anyway, here's what I'm saying. I don't have a problem with people being in relationships during high school, and I think they're positive things and that they can bring happiness to the people involved. I don't like how people often assume that high schoolers feel a childish form of love, although I can see where that assumption comes from. High school kids often get into relationships for the wrong reasons, but those relationships can still bring happy memories and have the potential to teach valuable lessons. Other people often want to get involved in people's relationship business which they shouldn't do but somehow can't manage to stop.
So there it is. The good, the bad, and the ugly of high school relationships.
To be clear: when I say "relationship" I mean to represent the situation in which two people have collectively and mutually decided to be "together" as a couple (as "boyfriend" and "girlfriend"), committing to love, support, and care for their partner. Obviously, different couples have different expectations and standards in their own relationships, but I just wanted to clear my own definition up first.
Here's the thing: I've never had a problem with relationships in high school. I'm no idiot, and I understand that most of the relationships that people participate in throughout high school will ultimately end. But I don't think that a relationship is only valuable if it lasts. I think that a relationship is valuable if the people involved are happy. And whether you're happy for three weeks or three years, it doesn't matter. The experiences and the memories and the fun are what matter. And maybe you, dear reader, don't believe it's worth it to waste your time on a relationship at this young age.
But maybe you just haven't found the right person to waste your time on.
To be fair, I haven't either. I've never committed myself into a serious relationship (other than the fact that my church advises against it) because I've never found someone that's as into me as I'm into them. And that's fine. I don't mean to say anyone needs to be in a relationship, especially in high school. I just think that often, couples in high school get bad labels put on them simply because they're in high school.
Silly, right?
I don't want to get into any sort of debate of thought on the subject of love, but I believe that it doesn't have an age requirement. Like the idea that "you can only feel real love when you reach the age of ___" is kind of ludicrous. Maybe I'm wrong.
But maybe I'm not.
Maybe love can be felt looking across the classroom at your girlfriend just as much as it is when you see your wife after a long day at work. But I've never felt either of those things, so I wouldn't know.
Regardless, I'm getting distracted.
Here's the one thing about high school relationships that frustrates me: a lot of them aren't based on love, or affection, or devotion. Some of them are based on something much less worthy: attention. (Of course, I generalize here. It'd be hard to objectively describe each and every individual relationship without some unfair liberties taken here and there.) I feel like a lot of people get into relationships simply because they seem like fun or they just enjoy the idea of someone giving them some extra notice and attachment. Hey, if that makes them happy, then I wouldn't stop that. All I'm saying is that those relationships end so quickly, and it's not hard to see why.
I think that high schoolers often romanticize the highlights of relationships, but they forget that, like anything else in life, there will be struggles. They obsess over the thought of kisses under fireworks, the fun adventures at midnight, and even just the simple pleasures of having a companion, like sweet texts and small gifts. But they don't consider the other side. They forget that there will be frustrations, and fights, and jealousy, and heartache. I don't mean to say that all relationships are bad because there will be negatives associated with them, but I think that a lot of people at high school age either overestimate their ability to withstand these negatives or underestimate the pain those negatives can inflict. But I have one thing to say about this common youthful mistake:
SO BE IT.
One of the problems that I find with relationships in high school is that people that are friends with one (or both) of the people involved feel like they have to get involved. They just can't help but try to be a part of this connection for reasons that I can't quite understand. I would bet that they're trying to help their friend stay away from being hurt. I don't know. I just feel like the details of any relationship should be controlled by the people in the relationship. Is that irrational?
If two people are happy together, why can't we just let them be happy? It is not our obligation nor is it our place to govern their relationship, even if we think their experience will end badly. I think that it is often more valuable to experience the pain caused by (the end of) a relationship than it is to shield yourself from that relationship for two reasons. First, you begin to understand how connections that are more intimate than friendships develop and help/hurt you. Second, you get to gain those happy memories and those good times that you can't get in other ways.
I suppose I have become distracted again. Oops.
Anyway, here's what I'm saying. I don't have a problem with people being in relationships during high school, and I think they're positive things and that they can bring happiness to the people involved. I don't like how people often assume that high schoolers feel a childish form of love, although I can see where that assumption comes from. High school kids often get into relationships for the wrong reasons, but those relationships can still bring happy memories and have the potential to teach valuable lessons. Other people often want to get involved in people's relationship business which they shouldn't do but somehow can't manage to stop.
So there it is. The good, the bad, and the ugly of high school relationships.
